Your soul is calling…what does that sound like?

The alarm awakens you. You rise up from the bed with a new outlook for the day. You begin your usual morning routine and struggle to shove the breakfast croissant in your face before jetting out of the door to embark on the today’s schedule of events. As you walk out the door and down the steps, you start to mentally scan your apartment for anything you might have missed like a light left on or your security keys left on the counter that you are supposed to bring on to work with you on Thursdays. Scanning is almost done….yes! I have everything I need. But do you? Did you miss something? Did you recognize the soul calling you when you opened your eyes? Did you hear that subtle sound? Or did you robotically go through the morning’s moments without thought? 

We all start days that begin like this. We go through the motions until we are in the middle of the day and wondered where it went.

For example, I woke up one day in the past fully refreshed but still a little low on energy. I woke up with great thought and compelled to act. Act on what? Should I meditate? Should I pray? Should I go on social media? What am I being led to do?

I stopped and lied there staring up at the ceiling. No thought in particular. Just let my mind wander wherever it wants to go. Stop forcing direction. Just let it go.

After about a half hour of mindless notification updates, I realized I do not want to do this all morning. I should be doing something productive. Let’s go through my to do list today. Okay I have some time. Let’s get up and get moving.

I got a few books I was led to. My indecisions lead me to read them all. So I picked three. One for meditation, one for instinct, and the other; a great one with short and factual stories.

I opened my meditation book. The next page to read came to an excerpt on Voluntary Simplicity. Ha! Of course, God. Ultimate Creator. Bring me all of your signs. At this time, I didn’t recognize it as such. As I read, I read a great example of someone’s personal experience with the meaning of less is more. I saw areas in my life where that could work for me. Doing less so that I can do more, attaining less so I can have more. Saying no so that I can say yes to what I really want.

The next book was about instinct. I thought about my own instincts. What I have been led to do. I thought about the ideas that I have envisioned, the things I have procrastinated, the visions God wouldn’t let me lose. What about that book you were going to write? Why do you always underestimate yourself? Why do you always think THIS is something you can’t do? Think about those who have. Those who others told no to as well. If you really want to get real, think of the people that YOU even underestimated. The ones you swore we not smart enough, focused enough to do it. And look at you. Are you smart enough? Are you focused enough? Prove it. Start somewhere chica! Even if it’s one sentence. You have now got a blog with one sentence. It’s better than no blog and no start. That mind is powerful I tell you. Force it into submission.

As I read, I felt uneasy about my own individual path. I knew I was working in an area where my purpose could not be realized. I had sat and sat and sat. For years, I let people and opportunities pass me by for one reason or another. I had invigoration that was easily discouraged and diluted. I saw the idea and would not act. Something pulled me into feeling undeserving of such opportunity. I began to beat myself up internally which just feeds the wound so that is becomes the cancerous tumor that you can’t avoid.

I knew I had to make a change or I was literally going to die in this place. I was going to creatively fade into nonexistence. Soon I will not recognize the person I created. 

It’s funny how we see the grass being greener but never think about the price of the water on that other side. We don’t think how long this person was on their knees picking out every weed visible in order to keep up the facade of her “lovely lawn”. The price is always bigger than what’s on the tag. Always. Underlying prices we pay for things we want.

In my usual self defensiveness I feel a lot of resistance around areas where I need to grow. Isn’t that for most people? Some even run the other direction. I just neglect it or act as though it’s not there. Little attention as possible. But the first step of changing is awareness so at least I know I’m my own sabotage. Forever a constant work in progress. So I put the book down. I no longer wanted to delve into those waters. Not yet.

My next book, I knew I would find the lightheartedness I was yearning for in this one. Whoa, I haven’t picked this book up for a while. The last time I read this book was when I was sitting at the hospital waiting on Vito’s chemotherapy appointment. I brought myself back there and felt her, my old Self, feelings and emotions. In my mind, I tried to comfort her because I knew how much she missed her Vito. A type of pain that is indescribable. However, there was power in this pain. I felt him around me. He would help me out of my mess. He would not leave me as he never has. He will be sitting right next to God waiting on God’s signal to come down and help.

I opened the book back up and randomly chose a short story literally 3 pages long that I could handle quickly and get back in the vortex. The story was called Priceless Dreams. In it, the lady talked about how her life was spiraling out of control. Every area in her life was a mess. Wasn’t quite me but I empathized. I knew there were many moments in my life where I felt like her. As she dreamt, she had a crazy vision that made no sense to her. Later, she interpreted the dream into understanding that that was her sign to get her life back. That was her sign to pull herself out of the miry clay and live to her true purpose. No what I can understand. That is something I am dealing with right here and now so keep reading. This dream led her to write a book and start a coaching and consulting business. Omg. Bling!! I wish I was able to insert the bells and whistles that went off in my head so that you can hear them too. A complete epiphany!

I immediately knew what I needed to do. I needed to write this book, start this blog, do the work. I needed to document this for so many reasons. To fulfill the purpose God has put inside of me. To listen to the messages and signs. To trust that I am being divinely protected throughout every step. This will be proof of it. This will be in remembrance of Me. I also have to do it for everyone who doubted themselves. Everyone who is feeling just as stuck as I am. For anyone who feels like there is no other direction to turn; that no purpose lies within them. I am here as LIVING PROOF that if you just ask, it will be heard. I have to do it for those who said I couldn’t. For those who underestimated my intelligence; my ability to focus. My strength and undeniable talent. And lastly which is inherently most important, I have to do this for me. I have to show myself my own greatness in order to feel and know. Stand guard at the doorway of your mind for focus in order to pour out everything lying inside so that you know what lives within. I have to do this for the Soul.

Today’s Prayer & Affirmation: 

My soul embraces the wisdom of uncertainty. My soul is fearless. My soul has infinite organizing power. My soul takes quantum leaps of creativity. My soul co-creates with the mystery that we call God.

Today, I will notice the power of my soul.

I literally ended this article at 11:11am. on April 11. 

All the confirmation I need.